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Once again we met....

Just something here out of my journal,this is how life in reality is and not the thing which we see in movies and dream all day about....jus temme if you guyz liked it.....



"Thinking of you every moment, with lots of love to my fiancee.."

I shuffled through the many cards at the Archies gallery,City center, to send a token of love for his bouquets of love daily,and what better than a card that says it all, and Archies surely knows what you want to speak.........

Would he like this one,naah the other one is better ,this ones good,he'll love it.I turned every card there to given to a fiancee and as i put them back restlessly at their place, i saw him.........

It took me a second to actually feel that he was standing right in front of me, looking for deos.Just hope he didn't see me.Gawd i cant face him again,not those eyes at least.Do i stand here and fumble at the cards or buy and leave as soon as possible...Naah, i think he's finished, he would be at the counter any moment.......

I carelessly took an other card,"To my fiancee..."as i looked at him. He looked as handsome as ever as he stood there waiting for the bill and slowly the past started reeling in front of my eyes as though yesterday,those college days,those nights which i spent thinking about him.......

Did he just look at me,ya he did.He's coming here, i better move away and as i pretended to read the cards i heard..

"Hey Priya,how are you,after a very long time"

"Ya ....huh....umm..How are you"

Why do i have that gazed look on my face now...

"God, you have changed a lot, you looked a lot different in college"

Why is that my heartbeat was going faster....Just if he didn't look into my eyes......

"Wow!!! good news then what does he do", he said as he looked at the cards in my hand.

"He's in US and what about you"

"Hey can we go in for a coffee, long time we met huh!!"

Why couldn't i say that i gotta go, why do i have to go dumb as always whenever i see him.He took my silence as yes as we moved to Barista on the third floor......The coffee shop was full as always but we found a cosy table in the corner for two.

"Coffee...Ya two cappachino please"

I looked at him again as he ordered.why didn't he ever understand my feelings, couldn't he see it in my eyes and why couldn't he understand my silence..

"So, what are you doing lately, US and all rich life then huh?"

I came back to my senses, was he just my imagination.........

"Ya we got engaged three months back,getting married in December."

"Great!!!all set then"

"What about you..."

"I have got a job in Mumbai, work keeps me moving from one city to other.."

I was about to ask if he got married as the coffee arrived...naah....do i care anymore, so i went..

"So didn't see much of you after college..those days were so much fun"

"Ya i miss them too.."

As he started ranting about our college days i started wondering, why couldn't i ever tell him, would we have been together now if i had done, did he ever have those feeling which i had for him.....and do i still feel for him.....huh..

"Priya, where are you, i just asked hows Netan.You know i always thought that you guys had something going on....gawd those days were blissful..."

And he went again talking all about his work and work and more work....why am i feeling guilty, am engaged, iam not supposed to think of him anymore....Could there still be any chance of us being together,does he feel for me in any way...Do i have the right to hope......Do i ask him now........

"There we go, coffee's finished and time to leave too...Nice meeting you Priya....naah i pay..."

I need to tell him atleast now, i looked at him as he removed his wallet to pay and suddenly my eyes met a pic in it....Gawd she was gorgeous...

"Girlfriend..huh?"

"Naah, my love..my wife..."

I gave a feverish smile more to myself than to him.This is life and we move on with it i said to myself as we moved out of Barista, we exchanged numbers and happy take cares as we took the opposite paths....

I smiled as i saw him go, and somewhere laughed at my self for thinking silly,was it to hide the pain for it did hurt somewhere.....I moved into Archies again and this time to send him a card heartfelt and not something randomly picked...

"My life has changed the day you step in, and for all those wonderful days and nights that we are going to spend together...With lots of love to my sweetheart, my fiancee..."

Life moves on....................

subeh hogayi mamu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today:
5:00 am: Mobile beeps,and i wake up wondering where am i, had a weired dream of missing my tenth standard hall ticket exam and woke up searching for it....switched off the mobile and went back to sleep again.....was just hoping for some good dreams.......

5:30am: Sister wakes up asking,"exam nahin hian kya",and me waking up again with stupid expressions saying"Exam mera hain,whats with you",suddenly EMTL prof came into mind and after that nap was a distant dream....

5:45 am: Land line rings...tring tring and i wonder whose callin so early and run to pick up phone and go Grrrrrrrr!what the hell...it was for my little sis who i later came to know was goin for badminton classes in the morning with her friend.......she then hurries up fighting for the toothpaste and the bathroom....as i take an other nap..

6:00 am:EMTL notes is turned and turned and turned as i mug for the next three hours......

9:00 am:Have a quick shower and my breakfast,after all man is a social animal..........

10:30 am: At coll writing the exam while singing "Hey you, hey you I don't like your girlfriend",Crap why did i have to listen to this song for nearly 10 times yesterday....."Whats the Maxwell's equation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"........"hey you, hey you, you can get a better one"...............

12:30 am:Came out from the exam hall............. Sigh!!!!!!!!!What a hard work.......

1:00pm:By the way whats pm????????? at home jumped on the keyboard and saw the scraps and shifted to youtube........Its such a nice creation.......

2:00 pm: had my grub and again on comp typing this irrelevant nonsense...........
This is how life goessssssssssssssssss...........................

KUCH BHI RAKHLO......

Life is going on a much speeded track,as i realise that though how far we move away from committing on our relationships we need them...it just that we avoid them as we are afraid.....its just because we face such things in life that we don't want to be through that again....

Last night again i found my self with my friends,laughing complaining and finding faults with each other but still wanting to spend every minute together...i saw myself being the most happiest person for that particular moment....but how long was it going to stay.....one by one the days will pass,our memories will pass and when i will move away from them may be these days will flash in my mind,that laughter and that sarcasm.....

Why is that whenever we meet,we have this guilt that its not going to be the same always,its not going to be there forever,why is that yesterday we had to shake our hand and say that we will not hide anything from each other and why did we have to realise after a long time again that its not going to be same forever.....

Why did he have to say yesterday that "hum hamesha jinke saath rehna chahte hain,nahin reh sakte,isiliye khuda ne yaadein banayein" and why did my friend whom i missed from the past two years have to say,"can i get everything back".............

Silent screams....

Disclaimer: It is just a part of the writers imagination and bears no resemblance to her personal life and therefore no personal comments will be entertained.

Monday turns to Tuesday and then into Saturday but your visage that still looms over has left me in a state beyond numbness for i cant feel either the love or pain.The say time heals but the time spent in your memories is not healing but poisoning the wounds as the days tick by.....your smile,your feel your picture were in my every song and your words echoed in my dreams,yet you stood away from me.You made me hope,you made me dream,you made me think of you every breathing moment, you had become my reason to smile, yet there you stood knowing it all but still not deciphering the depths of my needs.

As the darkness engulfs over the night i think of you again but the series of hurt and pain soon follow,let me end it here and let me be free for i want to feel the lightness for a while, let the pleasantness drool over my aches and let me feel the freedom for now even my blood pleads for life, and let me gain the emancipation.I know that the step am taking is what people call cowardice,but let me take it as it gives me this immense sense of satisfaction, for at least you may miss me once with the soul of your heart.....

I see death,as i look down upon the tiny cars passing beneath, and how very strange, everything looks so small from here.....
I hear the low and meek sounds of the horns which are trying to make their way out.....
I feel the cool breeze gushing in through my hair,as if it has some secret to be told.....
I touch my hands as the prickness of death has left it numb.......
I look upon the starry sky as a shiver lets down my spine .........Is this death.....

Just a little push and and everything will end,the pain the aches,and the blissful feeling which have now become a burden so heavy and strong..........

I need just an internal push ,It could be damn very easy.........very easy if my soul stops searching for your memories again and if my inner voice stops fighting against myself....i could damn do it if your words stop echoing in my ears again right now........why am i hearing you again.........just a push.......

"Hey senorita,Love you always"

"Just one push and it will all end"

"I love you, I love you,I love you so much"

"You cant do this,for bloody hell this is your life,you cant stop it"

"Can i have the pleasure of a dance with you ma'am"

"Just a push"

"I promise I'll never leave you and will be with you in all your tough times"

"You cant end it like this he didn't deserve you,get on with your life,look for the dawn"

"I can do it,why am i not able to"

"Hey baby where's my kiss"

"You cant take your life,move back,search on for your happiness,your world is waiting for you"

"I cant think any more, just one step"

"I love you my senorita,and how about you"

"Move back"

"I think we will have to part from here,my parents don't approve of our relationship,hope you,understand.... and maybe whatever happened was just a bit of infatuation"

"Why am i feeling the pain again, just one step and it will all end"

"Move back, you cant, you wont"

Why am i feeling weak again, let me do it...........

The darkness soon engulfed my inside as i closed my eyes, all i can hear are the screeching horns again and i wonder whether the night is darker or my inside, was it because your voice triumphed over mine i did not know, for now i could not feel either the breeze, nor hear the horns nor could i hear your words nor did i have to speak to myself again.........

What was the secret that the wind whispered for i could not even feel the emancipation.